I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
