Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
