420 ftw
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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