Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
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