She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
