if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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