you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
