True but thats because hes a fetus.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
