I think I won the penis lottery.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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