thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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