What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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