Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
