we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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