You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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