I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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