Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The air was thick with penises
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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