he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
