apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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