There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
