Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
