I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Randomize
