just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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