You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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