If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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