yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
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