he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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