is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
