I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
