just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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