The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
