woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
