i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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