I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
