Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
