You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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