Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
In America we eat man semen.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Two words: nipple clamps
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