I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
