Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
