Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
