I faked an abortion last night.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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