Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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