you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
