She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
