Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Randomize
