I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
