Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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