Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
