I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
