I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
