Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
