Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
