do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
