Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
