Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
